You'd think plants would find a less disgusting way of reproducing than distributing their genetic material in the air I breathe. It makes my throat all itchy, and my eyes red... I feel like I'm gonna sneeze as I type this, but I know I'm not going to. No one likes that shit; you can't possibly get more rude than jizzing in to the air that everyone breaths.
If reindeer's shot their baby batter in to the air to make new reindeer's, there would be no reindeer's. We would have killed them, long ago. It wouldn't matter how cute they are; even if they were bunny rabbits, no one would be OK with inhaling bunny spunk. So why do we let all these male plants go on, busting out nut butter, when they obviously don't care about us? Even lowly algae or bacteria have the decency to not to blow their wad in the air I'm breathing.
The only solution is to kill all the male plants, and clone new ones from females. It's only fair, that's what they get for splooging on everything for over 400 million years! If you want a new tree, then go cut a branch off a tree and stick it in the ground; if you can't get it to root with any of the hundreds of rooting agents on the market, that plant just wasn't meant to live.
Monsanto can figure out how to combat diseases and fungi, since the plant's will be extremely susceptible to those. The people there have been doing amazing things with plants, it seems like a lot of my friends are really excited about them.
Insects will also be a problem, so we can just kill all of them too. Insects are almost as rude as male plants; right now, anywhere from one hundred thousand, to ten million dust mites are shitting in your bed. That's only slightly less rude than spreading your pole milk on everything in a two mile radius.
I have no idea how you're going to go about killing all the male plants-hey, its my idea! I don't have to do the work if I don't want to-but I say we burn 'em; It would look real pretty.
-So go ahead and take my awesome idea, world. Expand on it any way you like, but we should really hurry up and get this shit done before summer's over. This allergy medicine makes me grumpy and tired.
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